Don’t live the same year on repeat

Last weekend a good friend told me, after a conversation about a time gone by where I made a significant life change that” you haven’t been the same since…… ”

I know it was said with absolute love. And zero judgement.

 But it took me back, made me wonder if I have ever really re-found myself after that experience of betrayal, hurt and grief. As if I had somehow lost my spirit, because it fell down the back of the sofa and now, I can’t find it anymore.

And that drew me up a bit.

And I thought about it. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

And guess what.

No.

I am not the same.

Here’s why.

In the last few years, I’ve navigated a few things:

A burning down of my corporate career.

Starting a business.

Learning how to scale it so it exceeded my corporate income.

Learning out how to get clients.

Knowing how to tell the difference between the amazing ones, and the less so ones.

Working out how to get paid. And what to do when you don’t get paid.

Bracing in the face of the loss of my estranged mother.

And the loss of my godmother, who was my surrogate, Mum.

How to continue to prioritise my health, my marriage, friendships, family (spoiler alert, it’s really bloody hard).

Ticked a few things on my bucket list- like seeing my whole family for Christmas in the USA and attending the Do Lectures.

I have been asked to speak on stages.

And done so. Even when my voice was shaking.

I started a podcast. It’s still going.

And I say these things, not because I am brilliant, or somehow equipment more than others. Or because I am seeking validation. Or because I am bragging.

But because I haven’t given up.

Because I keep trying. And learning. And often falling and failing.

And getting up when I get pushed down.

And remembering that things will be ok, even when they may not currently be ok.

Because I am not the same as I was 3 years ago.

Because I am not living the same year on repeat.

Because when I look back, I am proud to see how far I’ve come.

And to give myself a little cheer. Because that’s what makes the effort worthwhile.

And when you look back on the time that’s past for you, and where you were a while ago,  I really want the same for you too.

With love,

Tamsyn x